Students with language-based learning disabilities (LBLDs) frequently need more assistance in eleventh and twelfth grades than they did in the previous years. The extra help is necessary to manage the increase in pace, volume, and complexity of the upper grades. Often the best way to move forward is to take a couple of steps backward and offer even higher levels of support.
That I recommend a continued—and sometimes greater—level of support may come as a surprise. You might be thinking, “Shouldn’t my teen be more independent now? Won’t I be fostering a dependency on me that’ll be hard to shake once my teen graduates?”
There is a fine line between being a helicopter parent and being a helpful parent. A helicopter parent provides help that is not needed, whereas a helpful parent provides help that is needed.
By carefully analyzing your teen’s needs and having an open and ongoing conversation with them, you will be able to determine what help is needed. By providing that help you are actually promoting independence.
A critical element of independence is knowing what help you need and how to get it
Healthy Dependence
For this collaborative support approach to be successful with older kids, you will need to adjust your mindset about when independence should be achieved. Teens often have rigid ideas about how they want things to be done and how much parents should be involved. By staying by their side and maintaining a healthy relationship, you are showing your child that you are confident that they will go off on their own once developmentally ready.
I encourage you to become comfortable with the idea of healthy dependence. Healthy dependence is indicative of a successful attachment relationship in which a child recognizes their parents aren’t going to abandon them in a moment of need.
Being independent requires several higher-order skills. Relative to their peers, teens with LBLDs often need more time to acquire these skills. If a young adult does not exhibit independence, it generally means that they simply are not developmentally ready for it. Many teens struggle into their twenties only to ultimately succeed in their personal and professional lives. Until that happens, you and your adolescent should both realize that dependence can be healthy and is a sign of a positive parent-child relationship.
This article is excerpted from Helping Your Child with Language-Based Learning Disabilities (Strategies to Succeed in School and Life with Dyscalculia, Dyslexia, ADHD, and Auditory Processing Disorder), by Daniel Franklin, Ph.D.; published by New Harbinger Publications (2018). Available at Amazon through this link: Helping Your Child with Language-Based Learning Disabilities. Dr. Franklin is a Board Certified Educational Therapist and the founder of Franklin Educational Services.