The disability community has come a long way since educational protections for students with disabilities were enacted 50 years ago. Nonetheless, stigmas associated with learning differences still persist. In fact, many well-meaning parents often try to hide their child’s neurodiversity to shield their family from discrimination based on misconceptions that for years have wrongly associated neurodiversity with lack of intelligence.
Attorney Robert Tudisco, Esq., an adult diagnosed with ADHD, believes the primary way for parents to address stigma is to be open about their child’s diagnoses and challenges. “Don’t try to protect your child—or your family—through secrecy,” says Tudisco. “You’ll only make things worse and further perpetuate the stigma.” He warns that secrecy breeds shame, undermines a child’s sense of self-esteem, and reinforces the idea that they should be ashamed of who they are. In other words, keeping your child’s disorder a secret from them, their family members, and their educational community will lead to an array of future problems.
Strategies to Counter Stigma
Tudisco emphasizes that stigmas arise from fear and inaccurate information. Following are his proactive strategies for protecting your kids and building toward a more inclusive, accepting future:
1. Educate yourself with scientific-based information about your child’s disorders. The more you learn, the more comfortable you’ll feel with your child, your family and your life in general. Having command of the facts will also enable you to be a better advocate for them.
2. Talk openly with your child about their diagnosis and specific challenges, focusing on strengths. Show them you’re interested in learning all you can about what makes them tick. These discussions should educate you, allow you to understand your child’s feelings and behaviors from their perspective, and help your child realize enough about themselves to be able to articulate their needs clearly and effectively to others.
3. Help your child feel empowered. Let them know they’re just as smart as their classmates, and there’s no reason to be embarrassed or apologize for their neurodiversity. Explain that they process information differently, and they need to be taught effectively and treated kindly and appropriately. Neurodivergent kids are used to receiving negative feedback—hearing and being made to feel they are “lesser,”“lazy,” or underperforming. If they don’t understand their academic, behavioral, social-emotional, or sensory difficulties, their frustration will worsen. If they believe their diagnosis is something to hide, their feelings of shame will be exacerbated.
4. Explain your child’s strengths and needs to their teachers. If your child gets off to a bad start in school, it will be hard to undo the damage. Many teachers are experienced in instructing neurodiverse learners, but all kids are unique: As the saying goes, “When you meet one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism.” It’s the same with ADHD and LD. If your child has an educational plan in place, make sure each teacher has a copy and is familiar with it. If your child is struggling but has yet to be evaluated, request a meeting to start the special services process.
5. Encourage self-advocacy skills. Actively engage your middle- and high-schooler in the advocacy process. Your child should be aware of what triggers their concerning behaviors in school, after school, and on the field, and what will help them self-regulate (e.g., why they struggle to pay attention in some classes and what strategies make them more available for learning; what sequence of classes works best, such as alternating language-based and hands-on/movement-based classes).
6. Think ahead. Self-confident high school students who drive their IEP/504 meetings, are better prepared for college and post-secondary pursuits, where they’re legally required to disclose their disability and advocate for themselves to receive services. On the other hand, if their neurodiversity has been shrouded in secrecy, if they’ve been made to feel “broken” or ashamed of who they are, problems frequently arise once they’re away from home. Longing to “fit in” with peers, they often rebel, refrain from self-identifying with the Accessibility Office, relinquish their legal rights to necessary supports and services, and fail to succeed academically and socially.
7. Educate others. Educate your friends, family and community. Stigmas arise from fear of the unknown, explains Tudisco. “People are afraid of what they don’t understand firsthand.” Address–-and dispel—others’ misunderstandings and fears by clearly and calmly “opening a window” into your child’s strengths and challenges.
8. Join the disability community. Parents and kids gain an enormous amount of comfort in knowing they’re not alone.
Understanding your child’s learning challenges is the key to addressing stigma, myths, misconceptions and antiquated views concerning invisible disabilities, and special education. Uninformed people often connect disability with lack of intellect, and special education with a place for unintelligent kids. They may believe these learning challenges are merely a willpower issue kids can overcome by “just trying harder,” or that it’s an excuse for “bad parenting” or for kids to be “lazy,” to act out, and to misbehave; or even that “everyone is a little ADHD.”
This article is based on How to Explain an ADHD/ASD/LD Diagnosis and Build Self Esteem: A Guide for Addressing and Fighting Stigma, a SPED*NET presentation by Attorney Robert Tudisco, Esq. Eve Kessler, Esq., a former criminal appellate attorney, is Co-Founder of SPED*NET, and a Contributing Editor of Smart Kids. Click here for a recording of the webinar: https://youtu.be/HiKm01Vm4_k