If your child struggles with executive functioning (EF), they may benefit from working with a coach to build the foundational skills they may be lacking. Below are answers to the most common questions asked when deciding who to work with and how to get the most out of your relationship with an EF coach.
Is my child ready to work with a coach?
As much as you might see the benefit of bringing an EF coach into your child’s life, the coach won’t have the desired impact if your child isn’t on board with the idea. To determine your child’s readiness, start by asking the following questions:
- Are there executive functioning skills that your child wants to improve?
- Are they willing to make changes to lessen day-to-day stress?
- Is your child open to working with a new or unfamiliar adult?
- Will your child give new approaches and strategies a chance or at least listen to new ideas?
- Will your child feel the positive impact of EF coaching in the short term?
If you answer “no” to most of those questions, your child is likely not ready to accept the help a coach can provide. You’re better off waiting until they’re motivated to really engage in the work.
It’s also important to consider your child’s age, along with the expectations you and your child may have. As a general rule, it’s not until somewhere between ages 11 and 13 that kids can begin to manage complex EF tasks without significant adult support, and as they mature, most EF coaches will push for high schoolers to manage their own calendars. It’s fine if you don’t know exactly what expectations are developmentally appropriate as long as you’ll both be open to following the coach’s lead on that front.
Who can be an EF coach?
The short answer here is anyone can be an EF coach. There is no certification required and no licensing board for EF coaches or, as some prefer to call themselves, ADHD coaches. There are successful EF coaches with both formal and informal backgrounds. Formal backgrounds tend to be in education, social work, or psychology. Informal backgrounds include people with experience in corporate coaching, youth sports coaching, tutoring, and parenting.
If there are particular skill sets that are important to you, make note of those before you begin looking into candidates. That way, when you read a person’s bio or have an introductory call with them, you’ll be better prepared to zero in on the information you need.
What’s the best program?
Some EF coaches offer a standard curriculum with a clear set of lessons and defined start and end dates. Others offer an individualized ongoing coaching model. There are hour-long sessions, short-remote check-ins, and text communication options depending on who you work with. Here again, it’s important to know your child and let your knowledge of them inform your decision. General guidelines include:
- Young children: Look for a coach that will also work closely with you as your child’s brain isn’t sufficiently developed to follow through without your prompting.
- Reluctant children: They might be more comfortable with a clearly defined program and the promise of an end date.
- Children who are ready for independence: These kids will appreciate check-ins with their coach that can replace reminders from you.
In all cases, make sure you understand how your child’s EF coach will facilitate a gradual release of responsibility. The best EF program for your child is one that allows them to thrive without a coach as soon as possible.
Your Role: Share, Coordinate & Support
Because you have a better understanding of your child than their EF coach, you play an important part in the process. Your responsibilities include the following.
Share insights and observations. The idea isn’t to tattle, but to contribute to the information the coach has in order to allow for appropriate adjustments to be made. For example:
- Telling the coach about an upcoming test that your child doesn’t mention may indicate the need for short-term memory support, be a hint that trust isn’t fully established, or show that your child has a website they aren’t checking enough. The coach can explore the possibilities and determine an appropriate response.
- Sharing that your child isn’t following through on some strategy that the coach put in place may suggest that the strategy needs adjusting.
- Notifying the coach of a particularly stressful social situation enables them to adjust by offering extra check-ins or building in additional reminders.
Coordinate your active involvement in managing your child’s work, systems, reminders, and calendar. An EF coach will work with your child to build age-appropriate independence at a rate that feels manageable. For some parents that will mean allowing small failures as your child learns to manage new parts of their life. For others, it might mean keeping structure around routines with consistent reminders. Either way, you and the coach should be in sync regarding your level of involvement.
Support and trust your coach’s expertise. Avoid critiquing their approach in front of your child. But don’t hesitate to ask questions if there’s something that doesn’t make sense to you. The best EF coaches will give you a clear rationale for the strategies and skills your child needs to be the best version of themselves.
Jenna Prada, a certified teacher and administrator, is the founder of the Learning Link and the Director of Executive Functioning & Special Education at Private Prep