Leslie Josel
Leslie Josel is the Principal of Order Out of Chaos, an organizing consulting firm specializing in student organizing. She is the author of several books, including the recently published How to Do It Now…Because It’s Not Going Away, as well as the creator of the award-winning Academic Planner: A Tool for Time Management.
As an ADHD coach for teens and college students, I’ve worked with many kids labeled “procrastinators,” “lazy,” “weak,” and even “stupid.” I routinely challenge those students’ parents—and the students themselves—to look at procrastination through a different lens.
Here’s the definition I use when coaching my student clients and their parents: Procrastination is the act of putting something off or not doing something despite knowing that a negative consequence is likely to happen.
When we describe procrastination, we usually leave off the second part of my definition—knowing a negative consequence is likely to happen.
Delaying something doesn’t necessarily make your son a procrastinator. Think about it: We all put off things occasionally; we say we’ll do it later; we don’t always finish what we start. When that happens, there’s generally no horrible, earth-shattering, life-is-over consequence. This is important for students with ADHD to hear.
Why Procrastination Works for ADHD Brains
Waiting until the last minute works for some students with ADHD and executive functioning challenges. A looming deadline activates and jumpstarts their engines, making them uber-focused on completing their work with their creative juices flowing freely.
Procrastination may be a hard pill to swallow for parents who get things done ahead of schedule, but that doesn’t mean it’s ineffective or bad. When my son was younger, I had to remember that he worked best as a “last minute kind of guy,” and getting him to do things in advance stunted his creativity and productivity. It made the work harder for him and the tension in our house harder for the rest of us.
I constantly hear from the students I work with that they feel powerless and want control over their time and tasks. In other words, they want agency as to when and how they accomplish their work. Remember, getting motivated to do what someone else determines is important or timely is truly difficult for all of us—even more so if that structure clearly doesn’t work for you.
A Different View of Procrastination
Let me share this story, which illustrates my point: Many years ago, I was coaching a mom who shared with me a conversation she had with her son that changed her mindset and how she viewed her son’s perceived procrastination.
It was Thursday afternoon, and he had a short paper due the following Monday at 11:59 p.m. He didn’t feel the urgency to work on it during the weekday, although he had free afternoons. He was planning to write it on Sunday morning. It was his only assignment that weekend, and he liked knowing his deadline loomed close.
The paper didn’t require research, just reflection, and he was confident that this plan worked best for him. His mom voiced her frustration repeatedly as he tried to explain his thought process. After a bit of back and forth, her son quietly said, “You can yell at me all you want at midnight on Monday if my paper isn’t done. But not a minute before.”
Quite powerful, no?
Here’s my advice: Allow your son to trust his instincts. Empower him to make his own decisions and let him lead the way. You’ll know—and he’ll know—if it’s the right path.
This article was first printed in ADDitude Magazine, where Leslie Josel writes a column called Dear ADHD Family Coach®.
Related Smart Kids Topics
- EF Skills: Task Initiation
- Strategies for Managing Procrastination
- 7-Point Plan to End Procrastination