By Lisa Rappaport, Ph.D.

While it certainly isn’t what anybody wants to aspire to, disappointing outcomes along the path to learning can be formative in the best ways. Surely, we all want to set our children up for success, but sometimes that can actually mean allowing them the freedom to fail, particularly when the consequences are not devastating or emotionally harmful. 

Just as babies regularly experience their own version of failure when they attempt to roll over, sit up, and crawl, young children may founder when they try to ride a bike, pronounce words, and tie their shoes. We encourage their resilience and perseverance, having confidence that their tenacity will eventually bring them success.

Yet when children get to school, some parents feel that they need to protect them from negative or painful experiences, loath to risk their child feeling discouraged or disappointed. But when your child hits a roadblock, remember that some level of challenge can help build fortitude. Allowing them to figure things out on their own will develop frustration tolerance and teach them to be patient with themselves. Offer a bit of guidance and lots of encouragement, yes—but don’t be afraid to let them stumble so that they can discover that they have the tools to try again and ultimately succeed. 

It is in this way that “helicopter” and “snowplow” parents can inadvertently circumvent important building blocks for their child’s self-esteem and resilience by being too quick to remove obstacles for them. Some parents might even fear that it will reflect poorly on them if they don’t rush in to help. Yet if a child has no experience with disappointment or frustration, they may be more devastated when they are forced to confront challenges beyond their parents’ control. 

Perhaps unexpectedly, the challenges children with learning differences face early in many ways ultimately better prepare them for real life than their traditional-learner peers. Being forced to abandon any notion of academic perfection, because it will so often be out of their reach, helps to develop the gift of resilience. Having to confront academic disappointments can push them to pivot and try new and better strategies, and ease them into taking measured risks further down the road, making them less fearful of failure.

Dr. Lisa Rappaport is a neuropsychologist, specializing in the treatment of children with LD, ADHD, and developmental disorders, and is an Assistant Professor of Pediatrics at Albert Einstein College of Medicine. This blog post is adapted from Parenting Dyslexia, co-written by Dr. Rappaport and Judy Lyons (Balance Books, 2025), available at Amazon and other bookstores.

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