By the time a child with learning disabilities is in middle school, they should be preparing for what’s ahead.

The first step in that process is developing the self-advocacy skills necessary to navigate in high school and beyond. In order to develop these critical skills, children with LD need to have accepted their learning differences and reached a certain level of maturity.

Self-acceptance and self-knowledge begin at home. It is important that you accept and discuss openly with your child their difficulties.

When your child complains about having to work extra hard at something (“It’s not fair!”), remind them that everyone has strengths and weaknesses and that we all need to work harder at the things that are difficult for us, while we can help others with things that we’re better at. Point out concrete examples from their experience (e.g., a teacher who helps with reading depends on another teacher to help with math; you can fix the car, while your spouse is a whiz at computers).

Once kids have accepted working harder to address their own difficulties, you can begin a broader conversation about different learning styles. From there the discussion should flow easily to the importance of making sure that they understand what works best for them and know how to go after it.

Straight Talk

Getting started is sometimes the most difficult part. Your attitude will help determine their attitude. By approaching the situation openly, honestly, and positively, you’ll convey the message that they can—and will—handle whatever comes their way.

If, on the other hand, you pretend their disabilities don’t exist, they’re left to deal with them on their own. They can’t ignore them, but when you do, it suggests there’s something shameful or wrong with them.

Take Action: Advice From Other Parents

• Give them understanding, support, and let them know that you know they can learn; they don’t need your pity, fear, anger, or overindulgence.
• Remind them what’s “right” about them. Show them you care about all of them, not just their performance in school.
• Address their fear of the evaluation process. “Everyone learns in different ways. We need to find out more about what works best for you so you can be as successful in reading (math, writing, etc.) as you are in baseball (piano, spelling, etc.).”
• Point out that although they have specific difficulties that make some schoolwork more difficult, there is nothing wrong with their intelligence. You can’t say that enough: learning disabilities have nothing to do with IQ.
• Reinforce that a lot of people who have trouble learning to read and write are good at other important things, such as thinking, reasoning, and comprehending, which are critical to doing well in school later—to say nothing of life after school.

Related Smart Kids Topics

• Educating Your Child About LD
• Self-Advocacy: Strategies for All Ages