Most parents are aware that IQ plays a role in their children’s performance at school, particularly in academic subjects such as reading, writing, math, and science. But few parents understand that emotional and social intelligence are equally critical to school achievement. In fact, the ability to self-regulate, to calm oneself when stressed or angry, is necessary for children to be ready to learn. When children are preoccupied, distracted, overwhelmed, or anxious, they don’t have the capacity to stay focused and attend to the task in front of them. They also have difficulty reading social cues and managing interpersonal challenges at home or with peers.
What Is Emotional and Social Intelligence?
The terms emotional literacy, emotional intelligence, and social-emotional learning (SEL) all highlight the importance of understanding and expressing feelings. Emotional intelligence also includes self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, and relationship skills. SEL, the broadest category, is the process of teaching these skills to children.
Many school systems have adopted school-wide programs to teach social-emotional skills in the classroom. This has gained traction because of positive outcomes for students, teachers, and the school climate. There are also programs specifically for teachers because social-emotional competence improves their relationships with students and their effectiveness in the classroom.
Why Does SEL Matter?
Promoting children’s social and emotional development is vitally important because it lays the foundation for emotional well-being, healthy relationships, and academic success. As explained at casel.org, research demonstrates that SEL makes a difference! These skills contribute to the child’s motivation, confidence, frustration tolerance, and the capacity to learn.
Children (and adults) who are distracted, anxious, or angry do not have the focus or mental energy to listen, learn, and get along with others.
How Can You Promote Social-Emotional Development?
Helping children gain social-emotional skills cannot be left to schools. Parents are their child’s first and most important teacher. You are the primary role models for relationship skills such as empathy, kindness, good communication, and the ability to stay calm when emotionally distressed.
The first step in teaching your child social-emotional skills is to be aware of your strengths and challenges so you can model positive behavior. Begin by thinking about the following questions:
- Do you feel comfortable talking about your feelings?
- Do you feel comfortable asking your child how they feel or coaching them to name and express their feelings?
- Do you get upset when your child shows fear or anger because you consider these negative emotions, and you want to protect your child from hardship and stress? Some parents dismiss strong feelings, even sadness, because it’s painful to witness their child upset when they can’t control the situation.
- How would you rate your social-emotional skills—self-awareness, ability to respond rather than react, and the capacity to express empathy, resolve conflict, and solve problems?
In subsequent articles in our SEL series, we will describe ways you can help your child develop the fundamental skills necessary for them to succeed in school and in life.
We all want to cultivate personal and family resilience as we deal with challenges in life. We want our children to achieve in school, get along with others, and feel good about themselves. Schools and teachers can do their part, but children learn as they observe their parents. Also, parents can create endless opportunities for children to practice social-emotional skills during everyday routines and conversations. Beyond academic achievement, these skills improve family life and family relationships.
Dr. Grossman is an SKLD board member, Chair of the Countdown to Kindergarten Program, with faculty appointments at the Ackerman Institute for the Family and NYU. She is a family therapist, occupational therapist, and public health expert on family resilience and special education policies and programs. In subsequent articles, Dr. Grossman will describe parenting practices that promote emotional literacy and co-regulation.
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