Under the best of circumstances, raising kids can be stressful. Having a child who requires extra help due to learning differences makes the task that much more complex. In my practice working with families that have kids with dyslexia and other learning challenges, I see how normal it is for partners to have differing opinions regarding how to take care of their children’s learning requirements and enforce rules fairly within their family. If you both have not had to deal with learning struggles as youngsters, this may be uncharted waters for the uninitiated to navigate. Or if either of you has dealt with similar issues, seeing your child struggle can trigger a lot of strong feelings, fears, and concerns.
Work Through Disagreements
The essential challenge is to listen to each other and work at respecting and giving airtime to each other’s feelings and preferences. Even when all parties share the best intentions for a child, there can still be a wide range of perspectives. Each might need to compromise to come to a mutually agreeable approach that is beyond the other’s comfort zone. Patience might need to be a mantra while one of you gets comfortable with a new approach.
In trying to resolve a variety of concerns of the parents I see in my practice, the key to raising a child is finding the happy medium between flexibility in stretching rules and maintaining boundaries. Knowing when to apply each one is the trick. When parents can’t agree, I suggest letting your child be heard. That doesn’t mean that they will get what they want every time, but in a family with good communication, everybody’s voice is valued.
Rigidity or Flexibility?
While applying rules agreed upon by both parents consistently is important for creating emotional safety at home, some situations benefit from flexibility. A lot depends on having a good sense of your child, knowing when they’re legitimately struggling or just whining because they’re tired or hungry. Generally, for families with kids with learning challenges, I’ve found there’s a benefit from the flexibility that comes with thinking outside the box to problem solve and deciding when to rigidly enforce rules.
Make Time for Self-Care
Whether you’re raising your child with a partner or on your own, take time to nurture the relationship or yourself; it’s foundational for the whole family and models balance for everyone. Also, being able to assess if you or you as a couple need help is essential to your family, so be mindful to seek help if necessary.
Finally, when tensions get high, trying to introduce levity can be extremely valuable. It may not be automatic at first, but if you can keep in mind the importance of injecting humor during difficult moments, it can help ease tensions and bring about a change in perspective. In the long run, this will make a big difference along your journey as a family.
Beyond surviving a diagnosis of dyslexia or ADHD, your child and your whole family can get to a place where you can thrive and be more connected as a result of putting these ideas into practice.
If at any point you feel the need for the support of a counselor, psychologist, or a support group for you or your child, whether online or in person, here are some avenues to explore:
Dr. Lisa Rappaport is a neuropsychologist, specializing in the treatment of children with LD, ADHD, and developmental disorders, and is an Assistant Professor of Pediatrics at Albert Einstein College of Medicine. This article is adapted from Parenting Dyslexia, co-written by Dr. Rappaport and Judy Lyons (Balance Books, 2025), available at Amazon and other bookstores.